Is it normal to love your therapist

When we enter therapy, some of us want answers and strategies for quick fixes. While there are therapy models that focus on offering short-term, solution-focused therapy, most good therapy is longer term. Therapy takes time. Why is most good therapy long term? Healing takes time. Incidentally, EMDR is a powerful short-term therapy for survivors of recent trauma because brains are less likely to experience those long term changes.

Relational Connections in Therapy Matter. For many of us, the wound that brings us to therapy is deeply relational. Often, our pain can be traced to a relationship where deep harm occurred or a relationship colored by absence and loss. In these contexts, short-term therapies are less effective.

A course of therapy that gives us only a place to vent and a few new coping strategies is unlikely to make a deep impact on our capacity to internally regulate our emotions, seek out support-giving relationships, and experience fewer symptoms. Attachment-focused relational therapy can. A therapist that engages relationally these therapists often call themselves psychodynamic, attachment-focused, relationally-oriented, or relational-neurobiology informed builds a very real relationship with clients — one that is safe and healing because of a clearly communicated frame and maintained professional boundaries.

In the authenticity of that relationship, a client and a therapist, for that matter experience vibrant and very real emotional experiences.

Through experience and training, the therapist remains anchored in safe boundaries, rather than being swept away by the powerful emotional experience. This safe relational intimacy can begin building or repairing neural pathways in the brain that support healing.

This included an ideal husband whose qualities resembled the compliments she was giving Howes. When he brought this up, she admitted imagining a life with him. When she realized her fantasy was an escape with no future, the client refocused on her marriage.

But she met other needs with friends and causes she was passionate about. Naturally, this is an uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking situation. But both Howes and Serani stressed the importance of sharing your feelings with your therapist. I have some feelings toward you that make me feel uncomfortable. A good therapist will know how to handle the situation.

Most therapists are trained in the psychological issues that underlie falling in love, Serani said. They can offer supportive and non-judgmental guidance, Howes said.

In general, your therapist will help you explore where these desires and feelings come from, Serani said. Howes also works with clients on understanding the roots of these feelings. They also create a plan for meeting as many of these needs in healthy ways. Both Howes and Serani underscored that you should never act on your feelings. The state of California, where Howes practices, asks practitioners to distribute this flyer if they suspect inappropriate contact. Unfortunately, when you share your feelings, some therapists may have an insensitive reaction.

Howes suggested telling your therapist that discussing your relationship is an essential part of your work. Voice your feelings, and let them repair the damage. Again, direct communication is key in therapy. The more we have access to that data, the better. I picked her because she looked like a warm, caring person in her photo and was really nice on the phone.

I warmed up to her pretty quickly, feeling comfortable sharing things that I had never talked about with anyone else. I typically saw her once a week, but there were appointments here and there that I would have to miss due to work or social events. It was never a big deal. But there was a major shift in my feelings about five months in. I had just returned to Los Angeles from a two-week vacation visiting family in Wisconsin. Normally on the plane rides back, I am a weeping mess in the window seat.

I immediately thought, 'Someone who looks just like you. After that, I no longer canceled sessions. Nothing was as important as therapy. I loved seeing her and spending time with her. And this caused my feelings to become even more intense. I craved constant contact. I built up this image in my head that she was perfect.

She was compassionate, calm, funny and interesting. In the fall of that year — about 10 months after I started therapy — I came out as queer. She was the one who helped me come to terms with my identity and feel proud of who I was as a person. Our sessions began to revolve around dating and love. During one of our sessions, she asked me what my ideal woman looked like.

I had an erotic dream about her that night — one of many I would have over the course of the next few weeks. It completely freaked me out. I sat up for hours reading articles about this phenomenon called transference , which refers to a person bringing their past experiences into their dynamic with the therapist.

But these feelings felt so real! I felt like I was totally in love with her. I had to have her. I convinced myself that she was the only one who could make me happy.

I read stories of other clients who had similar feelings for their own therapists.